forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
