He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
