that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
