I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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