Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
