explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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