Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
