I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
