Non-Jews are for practice
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
