I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
do nipples grow back?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
