I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
