I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize