I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
