I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
