We're like a lot better than the average bears
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
