i think my tv is drunk
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
