Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
