just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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