Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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