There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
