he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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