you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
