Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
