Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
