party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize