you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
