He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
