can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
