I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
