well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
