Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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