Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
