party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
