I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
