You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
