why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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