my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
