the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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