what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
