Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
