There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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