Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
