i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
