He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
