its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
