I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
