I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
