butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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