Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize