They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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