I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My vagina just recognized that song.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
