He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
