my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
