Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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