It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
