WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
