My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize