3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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