I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
