The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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