My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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