I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
