Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
