Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
