her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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