Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
