got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize