you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
