She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
