if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dick very happy bro
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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