I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
pop tarts are not kleenex
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
