I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize