your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
