I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
