I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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