mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
4 words: hood of his car
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
