I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
