She's JV to your varsity
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
